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The Art of Self-Love

Originally written and published on 1/2/2020

“I seek strength, not to be greater than other, but to fight my greatest enemy, the doubts within myself.” ~P.C. Cast


noun. /ˌself ˈlʌv/ ​

the feeling that your own happiness and wishes are important

What exactly is Self Love? I first started to learn about the art of Self Love about 14 years ago. It was around that time that I started to explore a world different to what I was living at that time - which was an accumulation of late nights, working all hours, eating badly, no exercise, bad friendships and relationships.... and lets not even mention the way I use to put myself down!

I was being introduced to books that kept on referring to Self-Love. Errr squeeze me? Loving myself? Of course I love myself? I think, well sometimes, OK, maybe not that often!

I started to explore the true meaning of Love ( an intense feeling of deep affection ) and how I would want to show up with Love more; to and for myself. I began to find places in my story where I was not present to my own life, my body and my soul. I was just there. Just functioning. Over time I found the places where I had abandoned myself - mostly through others triggering me in areas where I needed to show up for myself.

The REAL truth, I was beginning to realise, was that my Self Love vessel that was within had shrunk to something so small that it would never hold any amount of love that I so desired to receive from others.

I clearly knew nothing about what it was to LOVE myself - I threw myself into what it meant for me. Whilst it was not an overnight change, it has been fun exploring!

Loving yourself, I believe, is completely bespoke to you. What fills me up may not necessarily fill you up - some may be obvious and are small steps and some, well, lets see how we go.

  1. The first thing that I started to do was buy myself flowers and really yummy dark chocolate! Why because I needed to begin to feel that I was WORTH IT! I know this seems like such a small thing to do - but the love I held for myself was so non existent that I needed to start small! This lead to me starting to also not automatically go to the cheaper items on the menu or going to the cheaper clothes stores.

  2. Giving my body the rest, exercise and nurturing that it was screaming out for

  3. Looking at the words that I used to myself about myself and when speaking about myself to others.

  4. Choosing myself, instead of others

  5. Understanding my boundaries and sticking to them

  6. Speaking my truth!! I learnt to use my voice with conviction but at the same time being compassionate with my words and not loud and aggressive.

  7. Wearing clothes that made me feel good

  8. Building a life that I loved instead of waiting around and also chasing for my 'Prince' to show up to explore life and to be happy.

  9. Creating time to play and be happy being me!

  10. Not over analysing or rehashing past 'mistakes' - understanding that I can only learn from the past and that it can't be changed

  11. Trusting the path that I am walking - being conscious with every step that I take and being confident when I need to course correct

  12. Choosing who I share my dreams, heart & self with

  13. Following my gut and living intuitively

  14. Understanding my values and staying in my integrity - both with myself and also with others

  15. Allowing myself to dream big!!!! Again comes from knowing that I am worthy and deserving of living a life that I choose

  16. LOVING & ACCEPTING who I am - even when I fail miserably at some of my Self Love goals!

I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR LOVING MYSELF. Not my parents, not my family, not my friends and most definitely not a partner. Self Love is an inside job.


With love,

Caroline xx


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