Your worth is not measured by your productivity

Originally written and published on 08/06/2019

It wasn’t that long ago that I wore my ‘busyness’ as a badge of honour. The importance of being able to say to someone ‘how busy I was’. As if that made me so very important. It’s source was, at that time, work. How I actually was juggling more balls than Tweedy in Gifford Circus! Also, like Tweedy, dropping some as I went along.

After having been made redundant in March 2016 – overnight I was no longer busy. Oh my, I didn’t like it at all. I had been so conditioned since school and straight into work – for 22 years I had been ‘busy’! As much as I wanted to be busy, the universe had other plans for me. I can now see that I was given the gift to heal my fight or flight response. 2 ½ years on I feel like a different person, I have had time to re-learn who Caroline is, what makes me happy, to create boundaries that are healthy for me…every day for me is a school day where I get to learn and heal. I will never be fully healed and I will never learn everything that I want to learn; but today is a good day to continue on this new path.

Yes, the fear of not being busy enough still creeps in, there are days when I feed it, but mostly I drop kick it out of my day.